To us, Mother’s Day is always an important day to commemorate. Simply because motherhood is a process of becoming, a bittersweet experience that comes with a woman's journey to mature and find her wholesome self. Mothers are extraordinary beings and to become one is a beautiful learning process which requires great humility and sacrifice. It takes great strength for a woman to wholeheartedly accept all the changes, turmoil, and happy memories of becoming a mother. But even so, no woman ever (from whatever field, background or life story) was not given the strength to become a mom, but a lot of times a mother gets so absorbed in the process that she forgot to be herself.
This Mother’s Day, we’re bringing self-love into the picture. Quoting r.h. Sin, “who you love, what you love and how you love depends on how much you love yourself.” A mother should be able to love herself as much as she loves those around her, because without loving herself first she would wear herself out doing everything for so many people. A mother’s ability to do so many things should indeed be admired, but her ability to relax and simply take it easy is also an admirable quality in our opinion.
So we decided to have conversations with moms (and dad) of different occupations and habits to be inspired by their ways to maintain balance and emotional support in life. These people are influential outside the house but also plays a significant role at home as well. From them, hopefully we can learn a thing or two on how to maintain balance and love ourselves as equally as we love those around us.
Andra Alodita is a beauty, travel, and lifestyle blogger and influencer who resides in Jakarta with her husband and three-year-old daughter, Aura. In her own words, she shares her self-care rituals and how she keeps herself rooted.
On self-care rituals
"Every morning I always get up earlier than my husband and kid, to read books, meditate and write on my journal. As short as 1-2 hours is already enough time to appreciate me, just to keep my self sane. I also like to sneak some time during my business trips to have some alone time, strolling around by myself exploring the city I’m visiting. These simple rituals always bring me fresh inspiration and spirit, so I go home fulfilled and happy."
On being grateful
"The Mom’s Weekly planner has helped me a lot on this area. As the planner is divided into “Mommy Duty”, “Work Life” and “Me Time”, I always check every day how much time I’m allocating for work and home chores. Thus, I always try to keep the “Me Time” field filled every single day. Even as simple as drinking a cup of tea and reading a book, I write that down too! This way, I am always reminded to be grateful for the me time I’ve had during my busy days. Even though my life is not always perfectly balanced, the Mom’s Weekly Planner has helped me in a lot of things. Thanks to Chic & Darling!"
Prita Hapsari Ghozie is a financial educator and co-founder of a financial planning, consulting and training company. She has two lovely children and has shared with us about finding me time during work and how she maintains balance.
On me time during work
"In the midst of my all my activities, at the end of the day, I am still a housewife. Besides fulfilling my duties to my husband and 2 kids, I always ensure to have my own time alone. Luckily, I am blessed to have a job that requires me to write and travel a lot around Indonesia. These activities I do for work is something I considered as a me-time of my own."
On maintaining balance
"I am also using the Mom’s Weekly Planner and I love how it is divided into three equal parts, “Me Time”, “Work Life”, and “Mommy Duty”. It always reminds me to arrange my life with more balance. I also use the Mom’s Weekly Planner to write down things I do every day, like a diary. So I can be grateful as I look back upon the pages, knowing that life is beautiful."
Our founder and creative director, Kania Anggiani, is also one who always takes care of her family very seriously even in the middle of her busy busy days. Today she shares with us about saying no and managing priorities, especially when you have so many things you have to do on so very little time.
On saying no and setting boundaries
"I would say no to a lot of things like attending events that’s too far from my home or my office, no to attending appointments that are not so urgent, or probably canceling on a few playdates just because I can’t be bothered to deal with the hassle. I’d also limit myself to a number of things in a week, so I can focus on what matters most. I used to want to do it all because I thought moms should be doing it all. I thought that’s what we’re born to do. But now, I feel like we shouldn’t and I don’t even think it’s possible for any human being to be doing it all while still keeping your sanity intact. Because at some point you will feel very tired or unhappy or emotionally drained. And you will not be able to fulfill yourself. So now, I limit myself and set boundaries so I can focus on only 2 or 3 things, and that’s a form of self-love for me."
On managing priorities
"The Mom’s Weekly planner helped me quite a lot. As the template is divided into three sections I can clearly see my activities in a week. Do I work, or do mom’s duty, or spend time for myself more? In a way, it’s a reminder for me as I plan my week. If the “Work Life” field has more schedule to it, it will act as my brake. Moreover, if I have nothing filling the “Mommy Duty” or “Me Time” field. If I have meetings every day, I’d reschedule 1 or 2 to the following week, and perhaps do something with my kids, my friends, or with myself instead so I can share happiness with others. The stickers in the planner also help me do this planning in a fun way while the little reminders and forms remind me of things I should prioritize and appreciate."
They say it takes a village to raise good kids and we couldn’t agree more. We honestly think no mother can practice to love herself if she doesn’t get enough support from her husband in every aspect of life, including caretaking the home and children, which is a role often indebted only to women by the society. Today Ruben Hattari, a father of two, a food connoisseur and a technologist, shares us his thoughts about the caretaker role and how he supports his wife, even in the midst of his demanding profession.
On the caretaker role
Being a caretaker of the house and children is definitely one of the many important responsibilities of a mother and a statement that will continue to remain relevant for any woman who undertakes the journey of 'motherhood'. But we all need to remember that being a caretaker of both the house and children should never be regarded as a responsibility any mother needs to carry out on her own - especially in today's world where more mothers lead respected and successful careers (like my wife). As the saying goes, 'it takes a village to raise a child', and I strongly feel that husbands can also play an integral role in ensuring all children grow to become adults with good morals and values.
On supporting your spouse
I find it very difficult to implement work-life balance and a steady relationship when you have super active kids like mine, as well as the demanding careers both my wife and I possess. What I've learned to accept recently is that the relationship I have with my spouse & the kids and my career are intertwined and should not be individually compartmentalized. We talk openly about our plans for the next day, the next week and sometimes ponder into what the future might hold for us. Only then as a couple, we are able to support the development of each other's careers without sacrificing the presence of a parent's love from our kids' lives. What is also unique is that my wife's business is almost like our third child that has developed over the years through her sweat and tears. So, at times when she's putting in the long hours at work to meet a deadline, meeting clients, or anything else, I try to make things easier by going home early to see the kids, help them with their homework, cook dinner and put them to bed. Any little gesture counts and I am sure that she will do the same willingly when I am on the other side.
So dear moms and moms-to-be, take time for yourself this Mother’s Day. The journey of becoming a mother should always be one cherished by its beholder, so if you feel like you’re worn out or exhausted, please don’t hesitate to take a break from it all, to appreciate and find yourself again. And when you do, you will see a whole lot of things in a new light. Also, trust that your partner has your best interest at heart and he will do an excellent job with the kids. In fact, it will be an experience that’s meaningful not only for him but for the kids as well.
We'd also love to hear your thoughts, opinions, and experiences on self-love and motherhood. Please share them with us and the other readers in the comments section below, DM us on Instagram or shoot us an email! We'd really love to hear from you.
"You owe yourself the love you so freely give to other people"
Once again, Happy Mother’s Day from all of us here at Chic & Darling :) Don’t forget to love yourself, mothers. Because you are worth it.
Text by Kania Anggiani, Prita Hapsari, Andra Alodita, Ruben Hattari, and Karina Leviani
Photographs by Asita Yulia, @kekekania, @alodita, @pritaghozie, @rubenhattari
Creative Direction by Kania Anggiani